We have known for hundreds of years through behavioural observation that emotions appear to be contagious, but these conclusions were only based on patterns of behaviour. Recently that’s been changing. With the Advent of functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI), scientists have been able to see how the brain lights up in response to emotional stimuli, positive or negative, and in the process, have been able to observe changes in the brain’s response to external emotional influence.
Practically speaking, we have an unconscious tendency to end up mirroring the mood of the dominant individual in our immediate sphere. Apparently, this happens at the speed of light and mostly at a subconscious level. We aren’t aware of this process though we may notice the more-or-less subtle shift in mood. If you think about it, you can probably come up with an example of a time when you felt that emotional shift – from positive to negative (or vice versa) after an encounter with someone. We even have language that expresses this experience; “He was a real downer.” “It’s always such a bright spot to spend time with her.” We might not be able to point to a specific action the other person did, nevertheless we experience an internal shift in feeling.
Why does any of this matter? Because when we live mindlessly, we are at the emotional mercy of the strongest mood we encounter. It is also a sad truth that we are more likely to be swayed by a negative mood than a positive one. Our mood might pick up a little if we’re with a particularly sunny friend, but we are much more likely to feel flattened by someone’s negative mood. Now neuroscience has begun to compile a body of data indicating that living on autopilot can mean life is much more difficult than it has to be.
This is where mindfulness – as opposed to mindlessness – becomes key. (You just knew I was going to work mindfulness into this somewhere, didn’t you?) Mindfulness is defined as: “…a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.” Mindfulness is so much more than just “paying attention.” It is being aware of both the external circumstances and, simultaneously, of our own internal landscape.
Here are some things that help us manage our own emotions in any context:
- Self-care: When we are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or sick, we are much more easily influenced by the moods of others. At the same time, we are also more likely to be negative to begin with if we have not had enough sleep, or not pursued some emotionally and psychologically renewing activity recently. Take care of yourself, first.
- Learn & practice a habit of reflection: Don’t live life on autopilot. Pay attention to your own inner responses to your external environment. Question your reactions to others and your environment by choosing to tune in to the automatic self-talk that is constantly running in the background of the mind. It’s there for everyone — I mean everyone — and those repetitious, under-the-radar thoughts compel a reaction before we have a chance to choose a response. The difference between ‘REACTION’ and ‘RESPONSE’ can mean a completely different outcome.
- Journal: In some form, process what’s actually In your head. I often suggest “morning pages” to my clients (check out The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron for instructions) but any form of reflection will work. Do a vlog like Jake Sully in Avatar; look up art journaling on Pinterest and try it; take five minutes a day to record an audio file on your smartphone. Think over the day, and work through the times/occasions when your inner emotional landscape was impacted by an external situation. Do this consistently for at least 30 days, then go back and review. You will be surprised at what you learn about yourself.
- Focus on “Positive Emotional Attractors” – this is not just some sort of spizzy, think-yourself-happy exercise. Research supports the contention that focusing on strengths (as opposed to weaknesses), practicing empathy, and consciously monitoring and managing stress levels has a beneficial payoff through increased creativity, internal resilience, and self-motivation.
When we focus on what is going right, mindfully cultivate a habit of gratitude, and look for ways to compassionately connect with our fellow human beings, life seems easier. And we all want that.