“Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.” Dr. Terry Real.
hap·pi·ness /’hapēnǝs/ noun: the state of being happy. synonyms: contentment, pleasure, contentedness, satisfaction, cheerfulness, cheeriness, merriment, merriness, gaiety, joy, joyfulness, joyousness, joviality, jollity, jolliness, glee, blitheness, carefreeness, gladness, delight, good spirits, high spirits, light-heartedness, good cheer, well-being, enjoyment, felicity.
Habitual negative thinking is almost always the consequence of family dysfunction in childhood, traumatic experiences in adolescence and/or adulthood. These experiences hardwire our brains to see the world as dangerous and thus consistently overestimate the potential for catastrophe.
When was the last time you felt content? Or a sense of wellbeing that lasted longer than eleven minutes?
Here are 10 ways to influence your thinking in the direction of happy….
1. Ditch the negative people. Studies show that listening to others complain causes brain cells to die. Unless you have neurons to spare, hanging out with complainers will definitely impact the quality of your thought life.
2. Say “yes” to yourself more often. Ask yourself, “What do I need?” Then go get it, do it, be it, find it. Whatever feeds your soul.
3. Practice saying “No” to others waaaaaaaaay more than you do now. The needs of others are not your responsibility. Say no to one person a day just because you can.
4. Give yourself a break. We’re our own worst enemies. Rarely does anyone say anything to us as nasty as we say to ourselves. Tell the Negative Committee that meets in your head to sit down and shut up.
5. Dial down the suspicious vibes. Give the benefit of the doubt and choose to believe others mean well. You know you have good intentions, so why wouldn’t it be the same for them?
6. Get off the couch! Get your yourself out there and do some exercise. Get that serotonin and dopamine flowing. Endorphins are endogenous morphine. Want to feel good? Get euphoric on some serious cardio.
7. Take time for your favorite tunes. “Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast, soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak” according to William Congreve. Clearly, music can lift your spirits, soothe jangled emotions, and help quiet your mind.
8. Be a good human. Do something random and kind for someone else every day. Volunteer regularly. In other words, get the focus off yourself and do something for others who have no hope of returning the favor.
9. Don’t worry, be happy. Anxiety and stress really, really kill the happiness factor. Worry is the process of mentally creating a future you don’t want and emotionally freaking out about it now. Stay in the present. Stay connected to NOW.
10. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Find something to be thankful for every day. Express your gratitude for the things you have and for the things you’re thankful you don’t have. Tell others thank you. Appreciate the little things, and the big things become less overwhelming.
Looking back at the writing I’ve done for bazaarsince 2012, it is obvious I believe people want to be happy, and I also clearly believe that not only is that possible, it’s actually within our grasp. Happiness is entirely dependent on the quality of our thinking. In other words, taking responsibility for finding out what you need to be happy, makes “happy” that much more likely.
It is impossible to live a positive life with a negative mind and you are the only one who can control your mind. If you don’t choose to be mindful of the thoughts that live in your mind, happiness will be fleeting, and life will be much harder than it has to be. No one wants that.
Susannah-Joy is a psychotherapist and complex trauma specialist based in Canada. Find her on Twitter @aboutthattrauma, Instagram @SuJo1963 and Facebook @william.associates. Photo by Alejandro Alvarez on Unsplash.
