Do you have a problem that needs solving? In need of some tough love or hard hitting life advice from a lovingly nagging know-it-all? Write to bazaar’s very own agony aunt, Aunty Yaz!
Aunty Yaz can be found wandering the streets of Salmiya dishing out unsolicited life lessons to random passersby. If you’ve heard the gruff shout of “Tuck your shirt in, you slob!” or “Someone get me something to sit on,” or even overheard her incoherent ramblings, you have probably encountered her wrath before. While Aunty Yaz is neither a psychologist nor certified life coach, you would still be wise to address her as Aunty or Dr. Yaz.
Dear Aunty Yaz,
So who do you predict for the win at the 2014 World Cup? Obviously you seem like the type who would be an expert on the matter.
– Footballfan201
Dear Footballfan,
First, I have to ask – are there two-hundred and one other people who chose the name ‘Footballfan’ or did you just forget a number at the end?
Second, I have many predictions for the Cup – obviously the host nation will pull off yet another win – I remember back when I was in my twenties and Brazil won the 1958 World Cup, I had never seen such elegance – that team will forever be in my heart.
Another prediction I have is the award for the best looking team – Argentina will win hands down because La Pulga Atomica plays for them. Other teams I’m sure will make a splash are Belgium and Nigeria…because they have to at some point, right? My son thinks I’m crazy – but I’m the expert here!
– Aunty Yaz
Dear Aunty Yaz,
It’s that time again and I’m dying inside. How can I possibly watch England attend another World Cup when I never managed to win one myself? Why didn’t they ask me to come out of International retirement this year? I’m so sick of watching my countrymen play while I am at home with 4 kids and doing underwear shoots every couple of months. And they’ve got me playing this weird sport called soccer.
Please tell me how I can get over my jealousy!
– Becks
Dear Becks,
I understand what it feels like to only be given attention because you’re pretty but you must embrace it, dear! My Messi does some mediocre modeling on the side and I consider that a public service. You also touch our hearts with your underwear, and we thank you for that.
Have you considered that you might just be too pretty to be back on the field? Enjoy the red carpet and the galas – and take comfort in the fact that you are easily the most recognizable English footballer to ever play football or soccer. Once Jack Wilshire retires, the only thing he’ll be good for is serving your tea.
– Aunty Yaz
Dear Aunty Yaz,
I’m feeling the pressure because this year the World Cup is being played in my home, Brasil. What tips do you have for someone trying to get over nerves before their opening match on the world’s largest stage?
– Neymar
Ah Neymar,
The one thing you should focus on is trying to prove that you were not a huge overrated and overpriced flop. How about a nice relaxing swim before each match? You can even get all the diving out of your system too.
– Aunty Yaz
Dear Aunty Yaz,
My teammates…and well, the whole world is constantly teasing and berating me for being overly emotional. I can’t help it if the tears start when my coach pulls me off the pitch and we’re down on goals! Is it my fault if I feel so passionately that I occasionally throw a temper tantrum? What do you think?
– Ronaldo
To whom it may concern,
I do not directly communicate with said football player. There is only ONE Ronaldo and his name is Ronaldo Lima, my Brazilian legend.
Please inform that Portuguese Beckham-wannabe that this will probably be his last World Cup and that it won’t be Messi’s last.
– Aunty Yaz
Dear Aunty Yaz,
I heard you’re a big fan. Just wanted to say hi 😉
– Messi.
Leo my dear boy!
You broke my heart not winning a single thing this past season but I won’t mention it too often. I am an even bigger fan and I love your outfits at award ceremonies so don’t take those fashion-police posers to heart at all.
You are the shortest captain Argentina has ever had and I am proud that you have made it your mission to overcome the “national team flop” that the media has unfairly labeled you in the past. I’ve changed my mind! I love you to death, Messi, and I want you to lift the World Cup!
If you’re ever in Kuwait, you are more than welcome to grab a coffee with me and my friend, Hoda.
– Aunty Yaz
Send your questions to Aunty Yaz auntyyaz@bazaar-magazine.com. Any advice given is strictly opinion and does not necessarily reflect the views of bazaar. But it might—just sayin!
