Do you have a problem that needs solving? In need of some tough love or hard hitting life advice from a lovingly nagging know-it-all? Write to bazaar’s very own agony aunt, Aunty Yaz!
Aunty Yaz can be found wandering the streets of Salmiya dishing out unsolicited life lessons to random passersby. If you’ve heard the gruff shout of “Tuck your shirt in, you slob!” or “Someone get me something to sit on,” or even overheard her incoherent ramblings, you have probably encountered her wrath before. While Aunty Yaz is neither a psychologist nor certified life coach, you would still be wise to address her as Aunty or Dr. Yaz.
Dear Aunty Yaz,
Last year I only got Valentine’s cards from my mom. What can I do to make myself more popular this year? I reeeeeeally want some roses.
Thanks,
Rose-less in Salmiya
Dear Clue-less in Salmiya,
Having your mom as your Valentine is perfectly acceptable. After all, she has been my Valentine for years and you don’t hear me complaining! Maybe you should start hanging out with other people’s moms to expand your mommy-Valentine circle. Consider these baby steps to one day, possibly, maybe, having a real Valentine. Okay, probably not.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
– Aunty Yaz
Dear Aunty Yaz.
I be trying to get a job for almost three monht’s but am having no luck. I mail my rezume, to thousands of companys a day but no one seems interested. My CV, is 6 pages long ,and I addres every politely email with simple – “To who it may concern”. What I am doing wrong?
Doing the needful,
About to be Deported, Kuwait City
Dear Unemployable,
I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that if you continue down this reckless path of sending out never-ending CV’s, you will be deported. The good news, on the other hand, is that you are seeking my advice.
This might be hard to believe, but I was once in your about-to-be-deported shoes. However, I charmed my way into a fully-fledged sponsorship deal by using my feminine wiles. I went to Kuwait’s best photography studio and had my CV photos done in true digital color! I must have looked really good that day because my face was devoid of wrinkles – it was like I was nineteen all over again! This worked perfectly for me, so perhaps this strategy would work in your favor.
This method, sadly, will only work if you are good looking and presentable like I am. In order for this to happen, you should get on this internet thingie my grandkids told me about called Instagram. Apparently, this invention has magic tools called ‘filters’ that make you look ten times better than how you actually and truly look. You then become popular in this world by buying people who endorse your fake looks. Then, and only then, many people will want to hire you.
Moral of the story: less words, more action. Get off your lazy bum and visit companies and show them how employable you truly look. And if that doesn’t work, then you deserve to be deported.
P.S. Your spelling and grammar is atrocious. If you cannot fix your face, work on your punctuation.
– Aunty Yaz
Dear Aunty Yaz,
I seem to have developed an addiction to hoarding plastic cutlery at the office. I’ve already had to move some of my work from my drawers to make room for all the extra forks. I’m worried that it’s taking over my life and soon, I’ll have to start using my co-workers’ drawers too. Please help!
Best,
Spoon Addict
Dear Spooner,
Back in my day, we used to collect silver teaspoons and display them in our fancy China cabinets. But since kids today are more into that recycling mumbo-jumbo, I suggest that you either create an art form out of your collection and proclaim yourself a genius sculptor, or succumb to the loser that you truly are.
– Aunty Yaz
Dear Aunty Yaz,
I am trying to start a successful blog but it just hasn’t been working out. I am too shy to share it with my friends, so I just put it online and hope for traffic. I am really interesting and cool – why won’t anyone read my blog?
Love,
Blogger Extraordinaire, Salwa
Dear Blogger Un-Extraordinaire,
Today I went to Sultan Center and bought a bag of apples. Then I got some petrol and a Kit Kat. Isn’t my life ‘interesting and cool’ too? #awesome #kuwait #shutup #getalife.
Once you do #getalife, your friends might finally be interested in reading about it. Or maybe you’ll make a bunch of new friends in the blogsphere who aren’t imaginary.
Are you familiar with the ancient adage, if a blog is created in the woods does it make a sound? Well, the answer is no. Sorry, I mean #no. You must therefore chop-down that digital forest with your #axe until your blog is the tallest about.
Before I became an extremely famous columnist in K-Town, I saw my 25 grandchildren waste their lives because I too, was too shy to share my brilliant advice with them. Now, I take comfort in knowing that I am changing lives on a daily basis. I suggest posting every post with a #askauntyyaz. Ergo, my followers become yours…you’re welcome World!
Also, apparently putting the number sign in front of random words seems to be popular these days. #hopethathelps or #hph.
– Aunty Yaz
Send your questions to Aunty Yaz at auntyyaz@bazaar-magazine.com . Any advice given is strictly opinion and does not necessarily reflect the views of bazaar. But it might—just sayin!
