As an older millennial (some might even say Gen X), the term self-care is not something we grew up with. Today it’s everywhere. Companies will sell you everything from bath bombs to makeup and label it as #selfcare. I’m all for it, but I think it’s time women redefine the meaning of taking care of themselves.
First, let’s differentiate between self-care, self-maintenance, and personal hygiene. A lot of the items on lists of self-care on the internet will tell you to take an everyday shower, book a mani-pedi or drink more water. These are not luxuries, they are essential tasks that are a part of health. You should not be dehydrated and ignoring cracked heels can lead to infection. Most of the discourse on self-care is targeted toward women, to get them to buy more products or take part in the latest meditation class. It’s yet another way women’s issues are minimized and distilled into something superficial. You can’t buy or meditate your way into a better life. But you can rethink and redesign your daily routine and lifestyle to better serve you.
It’s time to reframe our needs as women. The two things that most women need are time and money. Real self-care is planning for the future, today. If you are so stressed that you’re on the verge of a mental breakdown or swimming in burnout, then it is time to find help. You can burn a warehouse full of candles, but if you don’t get the help you need, you will never fully relax. This might look like professional therapy, and it might be working on your social safety network. Healthy relationships with friends and family are not something that just happens, it takes nurturing and an investment of time and energy that pays off over a lifetime. We can’t go through life alone, no matter how independent we are. Strengthening the bond with your siblings, picking up the phone to connect with a friend, or hosting a group get-together are some of the best ways to feel better instantly and make sure you have a social safety net to fall back on when times are tough. Unsurprisingly, social interactions trigger positive emotions when endorphin binds to opioid receptors in the brain. Succinctly said, connecting with people is better than doing drugs.
The other thing that we rarely see tackled by the #selfcare crowd, is the effect of financial stress. We all get a dopamine rush when we buy something new, but if you’re not careful you could be facing more anxiety and stress in the future. Sitting down and taking an honest look at your finances is something everyone should do. If you have debt, you should prioritize paying it off before making any more purchases. Next, you should start setting goals for the future. Do you have an emergency fund? Should you upskill and ask for a raise or a better job? Can you start investing small amounts today, so you have a good nest egg by the time you retire? Talking about money has become crass and taboo in most companies, but you should have that conversation with yourself. But you can’t do that if you keep ignoring it.
We all love instant gratification, but doing things today that will improve your life in the future is the ultimate form of #selfcare.
Photo by Unseen Studio on Unsplash.
