Extreme feminism. I dislike that term and whom it tends to harbor: Man- haters, male-vilifying women, extremists, fanatics, the parades, the media circus … And with that off my chest, allow me to re-center this movement in my article from my humble perspective to where feminism as a definition really belongs: equality.
Let’s back track a bit. Note to my editor: Insert cassette tape, rewind SFX here. OMG! So funny because I’m referring to video editors and my editor is editing in text format…lol George. Editor’s reply: Okay, George… Anyway…
I grew up affiliating as Arab and Lebanese, (hold your camels Lebos, we know you’re Phoenicians and not Arabs. So please, chill. Side note: Hold My Camel is an awesome podcast by two amazing people, check it out) and all I have been exposed to in movies, magazines, books etc. was the shameful following: Women are second class citizens, and we as men are ENTITLED to control them.
But luckily, I had a father who was lightyears ahead of his own generation. One day, I argued with my younger sister, the argument led to her saying hurtful stuff, I retaliated by pushing her. I was 16, she was 10. My father comes back home from work, hears the story from my mum (aka the Snitch) and calls me into my room.
I thought he was going to reinforce my sense of self-percieved ‘manhood’ and pat me on the back. Boy was I wrong! I cannot forget his opening line, “You’re punished, of course, but let me explain something that you may not be aware off.”
He digressed. “Long after I am gone, and your mother is gone too, you are NEVER in charge of your sister, nor are you are her guardian. Whatever she does, and no matter how badly you think of it. The best you can do is give her friendly advice, and the best she can do is… listen to you. She doesn’t have to, but if she did, that would be cool. But you are not in charge!”
“WHAT, is he crazy?” I thought to myself. “I’m a man. My sister is a girl, I’m in charge!” But then, being stuck in my room for a month (or three), made me notice a lot of things I have missed before. My dad treated my sister exactly like he treated me. He was as lenient with her as he was me, he was as strict with her as he was me. It blew my mind.
It was then and there, that my father with one small sentence, and by leading with example, shaped me into becoming the man I am today.
As I grew up, I stopped categorizing people by gender all together. Then, bit by bit, I started noticing potential rather than gender. I noticed the amazing leaders in my life in different stages and how, for the most part, they were women. My mum in my early life, my wife during my ‘down’ days and until this day, my sister as an adult…. And the list keeps growing.
Yet again, it is not about gender. Equality in its purest form means allowing people with the same potential access to the same opportunities and to the same leadership roles. Yet, what I see in my life, is that those strong women I looked up and still look up to, never demanded merit on the basis of their gender, rather their ability.
And that alone, makes me dislike extreme feminism, or as comedian Daniel Sloth calls this phenomena “Facebook Feminists”. It’s people who believe that just because you are of certain gender, you are entitled to certain things and should be automatically defaulted into certain positions. If you ask me, I think that they’re bigots! Much like the bigot I was when I assumed I had control over any girl because she is simply a girl.
True, women are still treated as second class citizens, and yes it is true that we should focus on them and furthering the notion of equality. But, if the people who claim to be extreme feminists understand that their current path of thinking could lead to a reverse situation, where they alienate men rather than encourage them to side with them, then how quickly should we expect to achieve equality for our mothers, sisters and wives? Perhaps it is the nature of the angry feminist that reminds me of what I deeply dislike about extremism in general. When did humanity ever truly progress when anger prevailed, and cool heads lost?
Feminism is equality, and equality is a right for everyone. Your gender does not grant you any right above someone else, much like I was mistaken that mine did!
To the strong people in my life: My mum, my sister, my wife, my cousin Carmen, my best friends Claire and Dina… Your strength is feminism showcasing itself and demands respect without being hateful and loud. Thank you for letting me witness it. To my editor Yasmine, a gorgeous soul, thank you for editing me for the past three years. You definitely shaped me into the writer I am today.
George Tarabay is a marketing expert/ Filmmaker/ comedian/Podcaster. Follow him on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, YouTube, SoundCloud @GeorgeTarabay.
Photo by Søren Astrup Jørgensen on Unsplash.
