“Oh, don’t worry, they are like us”, or “He is not like them”, or “She is cool”, followed by a double wink. This seems to be happening more often than not to me. I get introduced to someone new and the people making the introduction want to make sure that I can trust this person. But what they are really doing is “othering” an entire category of people.

Maybe the “others” have different beliefs, dress differently, prefer certain spices or think that vegans are crazy for refusing to eat meat. We are quick to point out the differences between our in-group and the out-group. We rally the proverbial troops against them. We blame them for their own misfortune while we give ourselves excuses for the same one.

We are going from curious, humble and open to experiences to guarded, distrustful and suspicious of anyone or anything that does not fit our cookie cutter expectations. Our social circles keep getting tighter because we kick out people who don’t agree with our ideals. Whether we exclude people because of their country of origin or the school they went to, we make snap judgements about them before even giving them a chance to see if their chosen values align with ours.

If you are old enough to have witnessed the birth of the internet you should also remember that it came with a promise of allowing people to come together and share in their humanity. Instead, it is increasingly becoming an echo chamber of one’s ideas and a barrier to anything different. Thank you algorithms. Not.

A couple of decades ago it was quite common for friend groups here to be made up of multiple nationalities. Now, people are just sticking to their own kind. And even then, they are selecting based on class, status, ideology, etc. If it stopped there, then that wouldn’t be a problem, but there is a lot of demonizing the “other”.

If you don’t share my beliefs, it must be because you are stupid, uncouth, crazy, dirty, and the list goes on. The truth is, we are a result of chance. Any change in our personal history and we may have turned out as completely different people and on the other side of the fence that we so vehemently gate-keep.

Instead, if you look for similarities, you might be surprised by how alike we are. Maybe we share a love for ice cream, love watching scary movies with the lights turned on or think that dewy flowers at dawn are the most beautiful thing in the world. You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you don’t need to exclude anyone who does not fit your mental model of what is acceptable.

Diverse communities are stronger, achieve more and are happier. While fractured ones start wars, are slower to progress and lose out on the true richness of the human experience. Be curious instead of judgemental, and you might be surprised.

Photo by Clay Banks on UnsplashPhoto by Clay Banks on Unsplash.