Before I progress into this piece that will surely prompt you at the end to say ‘Dude, what’s wrong with this guy?’ allow me to clarify that the only person who the title of this article does not apply to is my wife. This is about everyone else in my life… and I mean everyone.
We are creatures of habit. Since birth, we’ve associated our ‘booboos’ getting fixed with our mothers or fathers affectionately holding us, kissing us and hugging us until we felt safe again (Side note: I bet ya didn’t think you were going to hear the word booboo in your head today). And that is genuinely the warmest feeling a child, who can only process the world in basic binary form, feel. It is our first bubble. We innately and through various ‘booboo’ experiences learn the basic formula that parents = safety.
From there, we consider that bubble for safety and risk. We know that, if we are around our parents, we will be safe. If we want to go rogue, we make sure our parents cannot see us because we want to be alone while we venture into the forbidden or uncharted land.
It is quintessential for a child to know that he can fall back on their parents whenever, wherever, because children know that their parents will always love them no matter what. So, we constantly test the boundaries of what we can or cannot do. Be it a simple venture to the hill they told you to never go alone (done that), or flunking at university (done that) or even, to heed what people think of you (never done that).
As I grew older, and through various experiences, I realized that growth tends to happen outside the safety bubble (I wrote at least 15 articles about that, go have a blast). But with it came a mental shift that happened around 16, when I realized emotions kept me weak, kept me protected and gave me an excuse to stay put.
I slowly and surely started resenting any display of emotional dependency. I felt emotions kept us bound to words and further reinforces the walls of the bubble even when that bubble is in perpetual growth.
When I did process my feelings, I experienced mental growth so quickly, that for many years it crippled my ability to just get on with life and ‘do’. I believe that, because I tend to rationalize a lot of the things I go through, I try to apply logic to things that shouldn’t be logical.
Why did you dislike that person you met at dinner on the spot? Many would answer: I don’t know … he was just off. I realized that there is a deeper layer we are susceptible to which is body language. Our mind picks it up, processes it and decides that the person is not vibing well and before your mind can sprint into action, your emotional center rips the report and sends it an emotional code, much like your boss taking the credit for the hard work you did.
As wrong as it sounds, I eliminated that back- climbing boss from the equation. With it, I slowly resented any form of physical affection: hugs, kisses, handshakes etc. I feel it is too invasive and too impeding, even when it came from my family.
This isn’t to try and convince you to adopt this method or mentality, but maybe, just maybe, it can help you better understand the rationale behind many people not liking to be hugged or approached. Simply because, I do believe that this is what is going on in their heads at a level they are not yet aware of.
Of course, I am not discounting germophobes. They never want to be touched.
Every now and then, I see an old friend I didn’t see for a while, I hug them. I mean it at the moment. I am after all, a creature of habit even if my habits have changed, but old habits are harder to kill.
The hug lasts an average of four seconds, but it is followed by me questioning why I did it for a whole week.
George Tarabay is a marketing expert Filmmaker/ Comedian/Podcaster. Follow him on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, SoundCloud @GeorgeTarabay. Photo by Ioana Cristiana on Unsplash.
