Editor’s Note: This post is part of a series that tackles the psychological and mental health aspects brought on by the current COVID-19 crisis, read parts two and three here.
We all have so many conflicting feelings and emotions right now, which is understandable. Our current circumstances feel like a huge psychological experiment. We spoke to Jason Sullivan, mental health expert and Therapist at the Kuwait Counselling Center to help us make sense of it all.
How should we deal with our anxieties and fears?
Our fears and anxieties exist on different levels. There are fears and anxieties that are based on how I perceive a situation and then there are those based on actual imminent danger. This is a significant distinction in that our coping strategies may be ill-suited to address one or the other.
A perceived threat is one that the mind interprets as threatening based on past experiences with similar constructs. So, components A, B, C are present in a trauma and later I experience a situation with components A and C present. My mind will recall the traumatic memories and react based on the past trauma. Whereas an imminent threat would be one that is based on the reality of the situation itself i.e. fear of falling while trying to balance oneself on a tightrope at a great height.
The imminent threat is one that fight or flight responses are designed to address. These responses when applied to a perceived threat appear as what we call a panic attack.
When addressing our fears, we must first ask ourselves: Is this a real imminent danger, or rather, is this something that I am perceiving? The practice of self-awareness is of vital importance in the process of dealing with fears. If I am afraid and unaware of what frightens me then my ability to deal with that fear is hindered. So, in moments of fear, we must begin to assess the components of our fears. If I am afraid of heights for example, if I stop at the assumption that heights are what cause my fear, then my only option is to avoid them. However, if I assess the components that led me to this fear then I am provided with many options. Perhaps my fear is based on a previous negative experience with heights or perhaps it is based upon a fear of a lack of control at that moment. When I address my past experience, I am able to recognize what differentiates me now from the person that I was in the traumatic past experience. If I understand it as a fear of losing control l I can begin to practice ways of engaging the origins of that fear and this will most certainly alleviate other fears associated with lack of control. In reality, our underlying fears can spiderweb out. By looking at only the things that are immediately triggering our anxiety, we are constantly in a state of avoidance. Those triggers are the mere symptoms of an issue, not the cause. Eventually our avoidance will limit most of what we do, and we will have even more triggers. We must address what is at the core of our anxiety, not just put a plaster over what can then become an infected wound. It is only when we engage the underlying fear that we can alleviate the web that ensues.
How do we learn to trust data and advice, or is it healthier in fact to maintain some questions about what we are being told?
Data is information that has been organized from a particular perspective with a specific approach. In other words, it is information that has been tested in some form or fashion. We live in an age that has innumerable amounts of data. I would suggest that when reviewing data, to compare it with other sources. Given the current pandemic, the Ministry of Health and The World Health Organization are good resources. I would be much more careful when looking at data on social media. This does not mean that data on social media is always inaccurate but there is little filtering or fact checking involved when posts are made.
Advice, on the other hand, is information that is usually given from experience. Everyone’s experience is a bit different and sometimes we do the mental gymnastics to see how another person’s experience and advice can apply to our own lives.
How should we respond when a family member/friend is feeling scared or distressed?
There is a technique taught to first year Counseling Students. It is one that stays with us through the breadth of our careers too. It is called active listening.
Many times, when someone we love is struggling, our first response is to try to fix it. This is what I call the ACE Hardware response. We look for the right tool to pry away the fear and offer simple to follow instructions to move forward. Unfortunately, this is not a very successful approach as it merely addresses our discomfort with our loved one’s fears. Active listening however is the process of sitting with them, hearing each and every word, asking questions, and letting them express the fullness of what they are experiencing. This allows them to process the fear with you and thus offers them a sense of relief in that they have shared the full story with someone and that this person really understands their situation.
Most people are not looking for answers for their fears they are looking for someone to walk through their fear with them. When we talk about certain aspects of education, we refer to it as a fellowship. I once heard a professor mention the importance of this term and offered his own definition. “Fellowship is an often-misunderstood word. We think of it as a group of people with a common cause, and yes that is true but when you look at it the real depth of fellowship is right there in the word. Two fellows in the same ship.” In other words, we are all in the same boat. We all fear something and when we listen to our loved ones from that perspective and help them understand that their fears are not “crazy” or “irrational” or maybe even that we share the same fears, we offer them a taste of intimacy that satiates the fear.
For those who have at home help in the form of nannies, cooks or drivers who have become like family; how can we make sure we give these extensions our family, the support and care they need?
This is a unique time in our history that hopefully will come to a close soon. Educating ourselves as well as those close to us is an important part of the process. That includes our nannies, cooks, helpers and drivers as well. Drawing our information from reputable sources such as the Ministry of Health, the Ministry of Interior, and The World Health Organization is extremely helpful. As we become more aware of the situation around us, we are more fully able to answer the questions of our household staff. Reassuring them that you are taking the proper precautions to keep them safe from exposure and that no matter what, their health and wellbeing is a priority will offer peace of mind.
Giving them time to contact their loved ones so that they are reassured that everyone is safe and sound will offer comfort as well.
Now that everyone is home all day it is also important to take into account that their workload has now increased exponentially. Giving them down time to rest and have time to themselves will help to alleviate a lot of anxiety and even depression.
“It is very important to consider our house helpers as another family member. Make sure you sit down with them and provide them with the accurate information about the current situation with accurate information… We don’t know the sources they might have access to and the rumors or misinformation they could hear… Try to spend time with them and incorporate them in activities with the rest of the family so they don’t feel alone or isolated.”
Dr. Joanne Hands, Clinical Director at Kuwait Counseling Center
Reach out to Jason for a counseling session at the Kuwait Counselling Center or through Instagram @quietchaoskw. Visit his website quietchaoskw.com to listen to his podcast and find more information on mental health issues. Photo by Finn on Unsplash.
