I keep talking about women’s empowerment and celebrating women – but sadly, there is a whole line of women that are well, just not doing that – especially in the workplace. Women bullies are on the rise (some studies say 35% of women report women bullying in the workplace), very disappointing considering the age we live in and negates all the efforts for equality at work. It’s just serving the notion that women are incapable of handling power/leadership on a silver platter. So, why do they do it? Is someone subconsciously asking for it? How do they decide whom to target?

Is it a survival response to the man’s world? Is it the need to announce, ‘I made it here where no other woman could’? Is it a feel-good mechanism? Were they victims, and they now feel this is the way to create a stronger generation? What do they get out of it? I am no expert, but after 20+ years of work, I have seen personalities and things I cannot undo – but I think they all just need some love. I’ve decided to talk about this differently – over the years, I have split them into 4 categories:

The Lonely Genius
As far as bullies go – this is my ‘favorite’ bully (i.e.: the one I empathize with the most). She’s smart, she’s efficient, she’s a workaholic, she’s even inspirational and leaves you awed by her output – yet, no one, absolutely no one lives up to her expectations. So, she’s frustrated, she’s snappy, she gives attitude, she shouts, making you feel like you’re useless, she always highlights how you’re letting her down – she cannot work with anyone, and everyone is walking on eggshells around her. She puts leaders in a compromising situation; they know her strengths, but they lose so much keeping her on. I empathize with this bully because all it boils down to, is she’s not heard, she’s a perfectionist, and she just wants to get things done with the best output. In fact, I feel the most sorry for this bully, because in some strange way she has somehow bullied herself into loneliness and creates a community of women united against her that she never intended, she can’t be part of – whilst her only desire is to improve things and belong to something amazing that she created.

The Snake
This is the bully that I despise. This one is pretty, sleek, shiny. She has social know how, she is smart, she’s efficient, intelligent, into all things girlie, a lady, you might even say a damsel in distress. She can talk the talk and hypnotize you into her reality – heck, you’re ready to fight wars for her. This bully is the most venomous one because she’s so sweet, she causes decay and will not be satisfied until everything is destroyed around her and leaving only herself to shine – or at least that’s the objective. She’s an entitled gold digger, a constant victim, a compulsive liar, an artist of manipulation – she will fool all of us. Her bullying is the worst kind: the mental kind; it’s not physical or verbal, and it’s done in the sweetest of ways but oh so slyly spreading poison and hate that has detrimental and toxic consequences in the workplace. It’s not all bad because this bully has an Achilles heel, and that’s her venomous split tongue. She talks too much and with too many people, who eventually talk together and reveal her reality. These bullies tend to be abandoned somehow or at some point in their lives, or they have a very controlling parental figure; they crave popularity and want to always be saved yet never want to help anyone. Their response? Divide and conquer.

Beauty and the Beast
This is the bully that fascinates me the most and probably creates the most work trauma. She’s a powerful yet oh so elegant beast. She scares you in the same way she seduces you. She has charisma, she has style, she is ‘The Devil Wears [insert any luxurious brand]’. Yes – this bully is immaculate, in the most luxurious of brands and knows the ins and outs of society, you look up to her, you want to be her – but hell hath no fury like this bully; this is the one that creates a shivering weasel out of all of us. This one has reach, she has power, she will turn your life upside down, she will turn an entire country against you (beyond corporate walls). If she doesn’t like you at work, she will call you names, she will demean you, she will get everyone at to talk about you and if you’re a man, she castrates you emotionally and psychologically. Yet, she magically has all your keys and knows how to soften you like a hot knife to butter and make you think you’re imagining it all. This fascinating beast has probably had her heart broken in more ways than we can count, she has so much she wants to prove and say to the world, and so much good she wants everyone to see, but for one reason or another the very society she understands so well, keeps slapping and stabbing her in the back – so she takes it out on everyone that doesn’t courtesy at her presence and to her demands. Look behind the curtains and you will see that this beast is just Belle: responsibilities, a big heart, carrying a load that we can’t even see to protect loved ones and goes beyond borders to help…this can include the same people she’s destroying at work.

The Idiot
If any bully is going to make a bully out of me it’s The Idiot. Oh, the confidence the idiot has. The idiot makes more mistakes than we can count, costs the organization money and other reputational losses, financial or in resource. The idiot believes that they are divine and untouchable, demeans your roots/origin/experience. The Idiot uses race, brands, or other materialistic things to try and highlight your ‘unworthiness’ in their presence. The idiot makes me reconsider my stand against violence. What’s her story? Well, that’s just it – she knows she doesn’t have what it takes and covers her insecurity with overconfidence. Rather than invest and improve herself or know where to draw the lines, she takes those lines and uses them to attack as a form or defence “hey these are my lines – don’t get near me.” The idiot is horrible because she surprises and hurts you with the awful personal (but so very public) attacks, she makes you question management for tolerating her detrimental mistakes, she makes you hate coming to work and forget there is a thing called humanity and ethics all because she knows her weaknesses but wants to create a new strength – more often than not, she’s from a privileged background hence the confidence and lack of accountability for her actions. She has also lost a lot from her mistakes and is surrounded by opportunists (because of her privileged background) so has lost her own faith in people.

So, I guess it’s starting to sound like I’m saying they all need some love – and in many ways that’s what this boils down to. Now – don’t rush to hug the bully out of them but just take a step back to acknowledge that it’s THEIR issues with THEIR own lives, and mismanagement and confrontation with their feelings and the reality (ironic considering they confront everything else!). It has nothing to do with you or whoever is at the receiving end. I hope you take power in that. Maybe we should be grateful to them – they create immunity and a community against them and remind us of our collective strength. They’re horrible – but you’re stronger, and you have something they don’t even know they want and so they take it out on you. Shock them by showing them some love.

Rasha Ezzeddine—a spiritual global (Belgian) citizen, Sierra Leonean roots, Lebanese blood, Indian in a past life, her heart is in London, her soul calls for Kuwait, and she is redefining herself in Dubai. Connect digitally on Instagram @Rasha208 or reach out at Rasha208@gmail.com. Photos by Obie Fernandez and icons8 on Unsplash.