“The sun is out! I think I’ll go to …the beach …the lake …Paris …Switzerland …[fill in the blank] instead of going to therapy. Who needs therapy when the sun is shining so gloriously?” … says many thousands of people the world over, every spring. “The flowers are blooming, I’ll be outside. I’ll be fine.” And every year, those same thousands of people go back to therapy after weeks away and say something like, “I shouldn’t have stayed away so long. My [name a problem] has ramped up again and I feel like I’ve gone backwards.” 

Think about what a huge deal it is to quit smoking, in order to have a reasonable hope of ‘making it stick,’ we have to make huge changes in order to be successful. For some, it means going without morning coffee for months or changing the way we socialize or staying inside at coffee break instead of going for a smoke. These changes take conscious thought for a long time, and at the same, we’re almost constantly having a headache-inducing argument with the craving for a cigarette. The minute we relax, poof! We’re standing outside on the balcony with a half-finished smoke thinking, “What am I doing?” 

Some people decide to quit smoking and white-knuckle it through the first few weeks of cravings and never look back. (It happens, but this is rare.) Others attempt to quit multiple times before figuring out what changes they need to implement to be successful and for the vast majority, quitting begins with tapering down rather quitting cold turkey. Still others need the help of medication and professional support. 

Deciding to quit smoking is a bit like deciding to deal with an uncomfortable or painful life. Some people identify thinking patterns, beliefs, or behaviours in themselves that they want to change and they white-knuckle it through the mess of ‘flipping over the Monopoly board.’ They change everything and try to manage the mental and emotional chaos that results – this type of change rarely ‘sticks.’ It’s just too exhausting. What they’re left with is the metaphorical rubble of having torn down their internal framework…only now they’re too tired to deal with the mess (and they’re probably outside on the balcony, smoking!). Others decide they need help with this internal renovation and find a good therapist to act as ‘project manager.’ Through a collaborative process the individual’s current internal structure is assessed, the demolition planned, and the internal landscape rebuilt into a space the client actually wants to inhabit (Apparently, I’ve switched metaphors). Whether quitting smoking or renovating a house, time is needed.

In this world of instant fixes and seven second trends people think therapy is the same. 3, 6 or 9 sessions to deal with a problem that often has its origins in childhood. Therapy is a process and it’s a process that takes time. You might be surprised how much time. 50% of clients begin to experience a consistent sense of wellbeing after 20 sessions, and 75% of people seeking relief through therapy consistently rate their quality of life as “good” or “optimal” after 40 sessions. Additionally, the same research indicates through years of follow up that the changes ‘stick.’ Quality of life remained consistently good for those individuals who had participated in the long-term therapy process.

Back to the sunshine. Sunshine is awesome– finding some lovely country that has sunshine that doesn’t turn one into a crispy critter is even more awesome – but it doesn’t cure anything. It creates a temporary lift in the spirit which evaporates right about the time we start thinking about going back to ‘real’ life. In the meantime, that internal renovation has been stalled and we have to find our tools again, refamiliarize ourselves with the blueprint, and reconnect with the project manager. Often, in the time the renovation was abandoned, things deteriorate. Time is lost restoring what had already been completed.

If you’re in the midst of an internal renovation, take the time to plan a holiday from the process of therapy and keep in touch, even briefly with your therapist. Knowing that there will be ongoing contact is hugely helpful in not wrecking what’s already been renovated. If you aren’t seeing a good therapist (…and why not? #therapyisforeveryone) this year when the lure of a sunshine ‘cure’ for what ails you fails again, go talk to someone and start your own internal renovation. It will do you good. I promise.

Susannah-Joy is a psychotherapist and complex trauma specialist based in Canada. Find her on Twitter @aboutthattrauma, Instagram @SuJo1963 and Facebook @william.associates. Feature image courtesy of Unsplash.