Well done, you! Honestly, you have to celebrate the little things, as they, like saved pennies, grow.

I do not think there is a soul who went through 2020 without consciously or unconsciously grappling with their mental health on some level. The good news is that unlike a decade ago, talking about your mental health is no longer  taboo and the people who need a little extra support and help can get it without having to contend with  uncomfortable social stigmas.

Before I write anymore, I have to say two things: The first, is that I am not a doctor of any kind – so my opinions and life coping mechanisms are completely unqualified. If you need serious help, please seek a professional who is qualified to help you. The second is that I believe that I am completely ordinary and what I write is honestly just common sense, it is just sometimes when we are in the thick of it – we forget our common sense and need to be reminded.

With this being a global pandemic, like almost everyone, I survived lockdowns, curfews and long quarantines at a time when social distancing and normal forms of physical contact was discouraged to avoid the spread of a potentially life threatening virus. We all needed to learn new coping mechanisms to try and hold ourselves together. We are still here, so we have all already done something right.

2020 left me feeling isolated, lonely, stressed and generally quite low. This does not mean I never laughed. Like I said, I am quite ordinary, but I spent the majority of the year just coping with what life was throwing at me. I also had to deal with a parents’ death (non COVID-19 related) and like my sibling, I feel sad that I did not hug my father enough this last year. But enough about me. Talking to a number of friends pre and post Covid-19, I have come to form the opinion that every person on this earth is in the same frying pan – the only difference is the heat of the fire under the pan.

What COVID-19  did was turn up the heat under our feet and although we survived, human nature is such, many of us do not value who we are or what we have achieved. From a young age, most of us have it instilled in us that we need to do well in school, get a good qualification, get a good job, have a good family life etc. We were not prepared for this curveball.

There is this long chain of events/achievements that we measure our worth by; how good are our grades, how prestigious your university is, how well are you being paid and getting promotions, do you feel you are loved etc and all these factors appear to be what we as individuals use to measure how ‘happy’ we are.

COVID-19, much like a world war, touched all of us. While individual experiences and stresses varied, almost every corner of the world did experience some shared ones as almost everything went online. Students were robbed of a normal education. People in the workforce were forced to work from home (provided they still had a job). Even routine grocery shopping trips had to either be scheduled or delivered. Most of our normal human interactions and physical mobility were seriously curtailed with none of our normal coping mechanisms being allowed to be exercised. We no longer had any career advancement to motivate us and we had nothing to look forward to and no means of blowing off steam. No holiday plans we could make, or even meeting friends to go out for a meal or a movie.

Working from home be it school or remote desking can be brutal. For those who were alone in an apartment, they had to motivate themselves and keep going, denied of all normal human contact and the others who were living with their parents, spouse or children all demanding their attention, found concentrating on work very challenging. I also spare a thought for the parents who had to step into the role of teacher as well and the added responsibility of feeling like you are failing your child’s needs if you cannot tutor them well.

All these factors and more (too many to list) means that many of us ended 2020 feeling very low. Add to this to any other factors that cause sadness or low self-esteem in any way and those people will be visibly a shadow of their former selves. Please know this, you are not alone. We have all endured different levels of suffering, some people in the world will have endured unbelievable and cruel suffering that they will carry the scars (both visible and invisible) of throughout their lives that we ordinary folk cannot even fathom – to all I say, you survived, your survival is what makes you special. Do not belittle that achievement, big or small, brutal or what some might perceive as insignificant; pain is pain and you persevered.

Now comes the hard part; keep going! Recognize your worth, forgive yourself for anything you perceive yourself correctly or incorrectly to blame and take steps to do better in the future, remind those you care about that no matter how heated an argument now or in the future – you care about them (for those you love, say you love them), do not compare yourself to how you perceive other people to be – each person is unique and be it hormonal, illness or life altering suffering; our reactions are coloured by how these events affected us. No one person should be judged by another as overreacting at one extreme or seemingly non-reactive on the other.

Remember to think of others and how they must be feeling. For example, it is possible you are angry at a friend for not being there for you when you are feeling low, but did you wonder if they were in an equally low or possibly lower place and you are not reaching out to them?

If something is bothering you, air it out, do something about it or let it go.. Do not allow anger, loneliness or anxiety to cripple you – get past the bump so that you can move on.

Wherever and whenever possible, try not to burn your bridges, you may need those bridges intact in the future and you may be destroying something solid for the promise of something unattainable.

Do the things you can do and do not beat yourself up about the things you cannot. Try to stay mentally and physically active and stimulated, this is different for different people, do not measure your success by looking at others – look at where you were when you decided to do something and where you are now and if at first you fail, try again having learned the mistakes from the previous attempt.

Use social media if it helps you. But if you find that opening and following social media depresses you – take a break from it.

Find things to do that make you happy and spend time with people who make you feel good. Try to be empathetic (for some it is second nature, for others they have to work at it), when you empathise, you do not hurt or are hurt by people as much as if you just think of yourself and your feelings.

I believe that when there is harmony in your life, that is when the elusive ‘happiness’ is attained. For me that harmony is achieved when all those I love and care about are safe and content. When I can move freely and get stronger both mentally and physically. When I can spend happy times with friends and family. Creating something from scratch or learning a new skill (my ukulele playing remains challenging). My goals are simple, because I think if you keep it simple it is attainable. I am not saying not to dream big, just saying the steps to get to it should be planned through attainable levels so that you can celebrate your success to getting closer to your final vision.

Finally, I repeat, if you are in need of professional counselling, please seek it out and do not suffer in silence, we all need help with different things from time to time and there is no shame in seeking a helping hand when you need it.

I wish you all a better and healthy 2021.