The miracle of moist toilet tissue swept the West a decade ago. How had we been cleaning ourselves previously if this wet wipe of the derriere was so, literally, revelatory. This damp discovery has been a game changer but those in the Middle East and Asia have had this ablution down for a while, and even better than using a wipe, using a spray, or Shattaf. Behold, the hose pipe that reaches parts we in the West can only dream of!
It was only after an Arab colleague visited London and once back exclaimed his disgust at the lack of the Shattaf there, and hearing my other workmates tut-tut in agreement, that I realized I may be missing out. The recent viral Rehlat videos espousing the virtue of the toilet hose has hilariously brought this topic out into the open.
Now, when first faced with the Shattaf, it isn’t always immediately apparent what the contraption should be used for. As with all things culturally mysterious, no-one wants to offend anyone by asking, “what is this” so then rumors start to abound that it’s of religious significance, scarier still to question, or we come up with our own creative uses for it. I like to use mine to hose down the cats’ poop scoop, and have specifically moved the litter tray beside the toilet precisely to utilize the Shattaf in this way.
I’d never tried it around my person in the manner it was intended as with my very first exploration into the Shattaf, a powerful jet blasted itself across the cubicle, and I was left desperately mopping up the puddles with the scant toilet paper that was available. I’ll stick to toilet roll thank you. But not every bathroom has toilet paper. I’d rather drip dry clean than drip dry covered like Trump’s Russian hotel-mattress, allegedly. Curiosity having got the better of me at times, I was aware of the different water pressures that you can experience so I’d learned to “try before you apply”. Medium, non-abusive controllable jet; check. Lots of loo roll to mop up the floor; check. Unstaffed toilet so you don’t get any weird stares; check. Let’s give it a gush.
I’m not sure what can be achieved with a one meter long hose, but it’s not much depending on which hand you’re used to using; if you pull the hose taught, the water doesn’t come out. Try that, right-handed-wall-mount-left-handed-user. And if you bend forward to look through and see if you’re positioning the nozzle correctly, guaranteed you’ve left a thigh-gap large enough so that if you make exactly just the wrong angle you’ll be squeezing your bangs dry. Maybe the nozzle isn’t supposed to face up? Also, not everyone has the trim booty of a teenager, a larger flabbier posterior requires some angling of its own so as to be exposed eye to eye so to speak. I’m almost positive that you’re not supposed to give yourself an enema, so perhaps this isn’t the way to do it either. Perhaps you’re supposed to approach and spray front to back, like you’re supposed to wipe… but this makes no sense as men would have too much junk that gets in the way, and women would be on the Shattaf all day in that case.
As with all things, practice makes perfect, and those brought up with the Shattaf as a daily tool will have mastered the art of it. For you western-expats though, good luck with the exploration. It’s a cleaner, more environmentally friendly choice to make. And you can use the dinars you’d have spent on so much toilet paper on something reusable or recyclable instead. Perhaps we can all give the Shattaf a go at least once during Earth month #washvswipe.
Photo courtesy of Rehlat, special thanks to Beattie+Dane. For more information, explore the hashtag #washvswipe.
