By Ayesha Osman
A few days a go I came across a friend’s status on Facebook…”Some people don’t want to change until the pain of changing becomes bigger than the pain of change.” It took me a while to grasp the intensity of this statement…I’m not very bright. Still, probably because I’m going through so many ‘changes’ lately and because of the fact that I’m engrossed in my own life, it took a while for this to really hit home.
I think we are all in this perpetual mode of constantly trying to change something in our lives; be it weight, job, partner, grades, sofa…one way or another I think it’s difficult for us nowadays to silently accept the status quo, especially our own. I mean let’s face it, what little control we have in our lives we should use to change ourselves and the world around us for the better. This really isn’t a cliché…but whatever little you do for the betterment of the world around you, ultimately satisfies you, at least on a superficial level you feel you’ve done your bit and can move on.
But how do you really know you’re changing for the better…I put the same amount of effort in choosing a sandwich as I put in getting a divorce, it’s hectic! I guess at the end of the day I don’t want to lie in bed thinking, “ummmm maybe pizza would have been better.” It’s pathetic really. But when you’re really struggling to figure out your life, and which phase you’re truly in or want to be, making a decision for the better is easier said than done, albeit keeping a smile on your face and hoping for the best.
I look back at my decisions, especially the ones not related to sandwiches, and not really wonder about the decision, but primarily about why I made that decision. I always feel that my life is a series of bad decisions that ultimately have happy endings; Evidence A: my marriage that resulted in the love of my life, my daughter. A friend was pondering the same about her life and realized that every genuinely happy moment in her life started off with some sort of hardship. I guess it’s the same for all of us, pursuing this dream of being happy and its endless definitions and manifestations, starts off when our reality becomes, the least to say, uncomfortable and in many cases heart -painful.
I guess that’s life…and if you want to keep living it you have to try and if you don’t try and change then maybe you’re either very content, kudos for you, or you’re afraid. I read somewhere that there really is no such thing as crossroads and choosing a certain path over another…whichever path you choose, you have to live it, experience it, go over its hurdles and embrace its triumphs. There’s no way around it. Living in “the now” and not wondering about the “what ifs” is hard and it renders you one way or another into a state of acceptance; you have to accept that this is your life, your job, your partner, in other words the hand that you were dealt…your fate. But sometimes accepting this ‘fate’ is not an option for some of us. We struggle and fight, really hard, to reach a compromise with life. I always tell myself that there’s so much more to life and the more you live life, the less tedious it becomes. Approaching everyday as a new chance at life is exciting, exhilarating, and very scary…sometimes it can also be depressing; leaving a comfortable job to pursue your passion or dream, getting out of an unhealthy relationship, facing your biggest fears, whatever they may be, are all scenarios that force you to think about ‘you’ on one hand and about your responsibilities, on the other. I am, one way or another, constrained by elements and people in my life and am always looking for ways to overcome these ‘constraints’. However, I believe there exists a land where ‘you’, and ‘your responsibilities and constraints’ can live happily ever after. I am, ironically, also very thankful for so-called constraints…they keep me grounded and help me focus, help me dream realistically, if such a thing exists.
Still, I always go back to the same starting point…why do I make the decisions that I choose to make?! I guess we all have a reference point; a spouse, our beliefs, needs, dreams, the list goes on. I believe that in life there really is very little mystery…we go about our daily life and make decisions that eventually lead to change. We grow older, hopefully wiser, we breathe and we make decisions. There is no drama in life…but there’s a lot of spice.
Look back to your own childhood, your relationship with your parents and friends, with your guardians, where you grew up…look at where you are right now. If you’re over 20 and reading this article you’ve probably had to make a few major decisions in your life…think about why you made those decisions, one way or another it goes back to a source; your childhood, your dreams, ambitions, a reaction to how you were bought up, an affirmation of how you were bought up.
There is no drama in life, but the spice you choose to add your life makes it a more interesting, richer life to live.