Forget every saying or notion you know about gender roles. “Behind every great man, is a great woman.” Forget that statement all together and all of its parallels. The real saying should go: Next to every great person, is a great partner. If you love your partner, the least you can do is to support them. This does not place you in the back seat or anywhere else except the side seat, so you can enjoy a similar and full view of what’s to come, just like the driver. If you are a man, and the lady in your life is about to make a huge leap, be next to her. Support her. Love her the same amount through and through. The same can be applied to any partnership.

Support does not have to be monumental. It could be as simple as the act of doing the dishes instead of your partner so they can focus on an important task. A woman does not belong in the kitchen, a man is not the bread winner, a woman does not have to sacrifice, a man should not be burdened with the responsibilities… Equal partners throughout or quit it altogether, as the equity will never be fair.

Actions speak louder than words. This statement is one that I stick by. I’d rather spend three hours designing a flower arrangement for my wife than saying “I love you” once. Not because I am incapable of expressing emotions, but because words carry no weight, nor do they last. What lasts is emotion, a product of effort your partner puts into drawing a smile on your face. I love showering my wife with flowers and her simple act of keeping the flowers way past their life cycle warms my heart, because I can see a residual effect of my gesture to her translated in her clinginess to the moment I made her smile.

There is no proclaimed royalty in love, only bestowed royalty. Acting like a king or queen in your love life will only create a sense of entitlement. Get your hands dirty, both of you, in everything related to your lives. Even the things you have no clue about. Get in there, help your partner. The only sense of royalty you should get is when your partner decides to pamper you. You are both humans with emotional needs, but you are not entitled to these needs. Earn them from your partner, and if your partner is as great as mine, you won’t have to ask for them ever

Secrecy. A simple word that, to me, encompasses so many values.
Hard work: By keeping your relationship to you two and you two alone with all its downs, even from your closest ones (not in the case of emotional or physical abuse though, because this is your cue to exit NOW) you are shielding yourself from all influence that might steer you into staying with or leaving your partner. This puts you both in charge solemnly to work hard on making it work, or not, which also translates into dedication.
Respect: Secrecy means you protect the image of your loved ones in terms of their shortcomings. The world has no business in knowing the weaknesses and the shortcomings of your loved one. Not because it’s shameful to be weak or erroneous, but because that conversation has no value to anything. Portray them well in all your speeches.

Team spirit. Secrecy also translates into a full autonomous dependency that only pushes both of you forward in each aspect of your lives. Dependent on each other in the areas where the other is stronger and that carries over to your sense of autonomy.

And last but not least. Love them more than a cloned version of you would love “you”. Love them selflessly that it becomes unrealistic. Love them with the same amount you love yourself, not more, because that would put you in a back seat of the ride and don’t love them less than you would love yourself because that would put them in the back seat of the ride.

The ride includes the both of you. Your partner is your co-pilot. You will ask them many times to drive on your behalf, and if they stayed in the back seat for the longest time…how on earth do you think you will end up where you set up to go in the first place, if they had no view of the road ahead?

George Tarabay is a marketing expert/ Filmmaker/ comedian/Podcaster. Follow him on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, YouTube, SoundCloud @GeorgeTarabay. Photo by Nick Brugioni on Unsplash.